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Basic Instinct

January 15, 2014

By Alena Eckelmann

A personal development book states that ”4F” drive people: food, fear, fight and fuck.

We develop our habits related to these four Fs; the same food cravings, the same old fears, the same fights over and again, the same type of people we attract.

Is one of these four Fs what makes us want to change? How important are they in the process of transition? Do they initiate transition? Do they get us through the changes that follow to arrive at the other end all bruised and battered, but alive?

We set ourselves the New Year’s Resolution to eat healthier next year. This is the easy one. Do we also have moments when we promise ourselves to deal with a certain fear, like loosing our job, or a beloved one, or our health? In a moment of contemplation or guilt we might consider making peace with our enemies and not fight them anymore… be it the colleague who always seems to get the bonus, the family member who just does not agree with our view, or that annoying neighbour who has a different idea of what a garden fence should look like.

Recently I realized that it was the F for fuck habit that drove me on. Throughout my life, it has been the men with whom I had intense sexual relations who opened windows of transition for me. If it was not for them, and for my longing for them, I would not have learned foreign languages and moved countries.

On the surface I always had a good alibi for say moving to a new country: study and job opportunities for instance. What lay down beneath, however, was the strong desire to get as close as possible to the person I longed for. Body, heart and soul – all involved in the process, all yearning, burning, aching, pushing me forward to foreign shores, new beginnings, into uncharted territories.

Looking back it seems amazing how the universe conspired to secure me the money or the opportunity I needed for such moves.

The forces that drive us to find our destiny have a lot of energy and they make us brave and optimistic. Anything is possible.

Do you remember when you felt totally content and whole and beautiful and healthy after satisfying sex with someone you loved and trusted? Someone you desired and someone who desired you with every inch of their body, heart and soul?

Not looking for any return, but just give and receive. Being in that moment, not worrying about the world around – power, wealth, fame – but just being in the embrace of the other person and enjoying one another’s bodies in peace, silently, without any intellectual discussion or need for justification, no looking back or planning ahead. This moment of intimacy cannot be measured by money or time. It is priceless and eternal.

Yet, this is not something high up on the wish list of many people. Look at your New Year’s Resolutions, your wish lists for birthday and Xmas, and your agenda for the next years. I bet it’s something like a new job, loosing weight, getting the latest mobile phone, traveling abroad that rank high. There might be some general wishes for good health and happiness in the background but where is the road and what are the means by which to get there?

One way may just be that intimate encounter that makes the whole world change for the better and that takes you where you want to go – even to the other side of the world.

Also by Alena:

- Emotional Shower

- Tokyo to Kumano: A World Apart

- Tokyo to Kumano: Distance

- Tokyo to Kumano: Food for Thought

- Tokyo to Kumano: Back to the Roots

 

About the author: Alena Eckelmann grew up in East Germany, and it has been change and transition ever since the Berlin Wall came down. She lives in the Kumano Mountains in Wakayama Prefecture, Japan, where she pursues journalistic, touristic and spiritual projects. You can find her on Facebook and LinkedIn.
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