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What Prevents Loving?

August 24, 2013

By Hari Tahil

If love is our highest aspect, our truest expression of who we really are, what is it that prevents us from loving?

Inside each of us there exists a well of wisdom/love, yet we are accustomed to look outside of ourselves for answers. Our fears, defenses and what we perceive to be urgent needs cover up this well inside.

Often, the major fear is of being made to do something we do not want to do if we were to allow ourselves to feel. We cut off from our inner feelings of love so that we do not have to agree to the demands of others as we fear being taken advantage of.

This cutting off blocks our own internal processes of organic growth, and paradoxically, we then help others out of guilt and do more than if we were acting out of love, and resent the fact.

All of us have the desire to be accepted, to belong to a world, group or family that is somehow ‘superior’ to the situation in which we find ourselves. If this world is an unfeeling one, then we suppress our natural feelings of love. Any external system/culture/organization we buy into will to some extent cut off our feelings.

We adopt personas and pretend to be the person we think we ‘should’ be or one that will be accepted by those around us. By doing so, we tell ourselves that we are not good enough the way we naturally are, thereby even denying love to ourselves.

Another reason that prevents loving is the strong need for love. What does this mean? A person who strongly needs and wants love will try to demand it or urgently seek it from others. S/he believes that there is something wrong with him/her and expects rejection. This makes him/her more demanding and needy.

This has the tendency to make it hard to love this person as s/he is unaware of the needs of others, and then this in turn has the effect of compounding his/her beliefs about rejection. This kind of person cannot see the well of wisdom/love inside as s/he is focused on getting love from others.

If you think that what is written here is untrue or does not apply to you, have a look inside and see if there is any resentment or anger to these ideas. Is there any physical tightening of the body, or feeling of discomfort that is easier to dismiss than understand?

Whenever you find such a place of tightening or discomfort in your body allow yourself to feel and experience whatever feelings or sensations arise there.

Only by going through that which holds us back are we able to move forward.

Or, “If your head is full of fears there is no room left to dream.”

What Prevents Loving? originally appeared in the Lifeforces April/May 2013 newsletter and is reposted with permission.


LABELS:   Acceptance   Fear   Feelings   Growth   Hari Tahil   Love   Nature   Neediness   Persona  
About the author: Hari Tahil is the co-founder of Lifeforces ( – an integrated holistic therapy practice based in Tokyo since 1994. Lifeforces offers workshops and individual sessions assisting people in improving their physical, mental and emotional health as well as progressing on their personal spiritual path more effectively. Sign up for the Lifeforces newsletter to read more of Hari's writings.
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