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Stuck Between Realities

December 31, 2012

By Jacinta Hin

Imagine leaving a dead-end situation and taking that much-needed break. Still unsure about what the next step will be, you simply enjoy doing nothing.

But then what was supposed to be only a couple of weeks of rest and contemplation stretches into months, even years. There’s plenty to do because somehow you’ve managed to fill the days with all sorts of activities. Slowly a feeling of discomfort begins to surface. The dreamed of move to something new is just not happening. You still don’t have a clue what’s in store for you and wonder if this is really all there is.

When we move out of one reality and into a new one, most of us need to spend time between the two. Lacking a proper transition we may end up recreating a copy of the old situation, since experience is all we know. What’s needed is space in which the inner and outer can be refreshed and opened to new inspiration. This breathing space is where old patterns are released and also where we can reconnect with the core of our being, like a traveler checking-in before embarking on new adventures.

So why do we get stuck in what was supposed to be a temporary haven? And why do some of us extend our stay in this psychological safe house, way past its usefulness?

Let’s open up the visitors’ guestbook and see if you recognize yourself within these comments:

  1. We neglected the work. We threw ourselves into external delight. We slept, we partied, watched movies, took up new hobbies. Nothing wrong with any of this, but at some point we must balance it with inner work. Sit quietly with our deeper questions, reflect on what we want and then get into action when we feel ready for those first steps.
  1. We bought into the belief that this might be our destination. Somehow we’ve made this place comfortable enough and created a lifestyle that appears to work. Financially, we might even be secure.
  1. We’ve given in to our fears. In our private moments we’re scared we don’t have what it takes to do things differently and try something new. We might be afraid that whatever we want will ultimately prove to be disappointing. We might also fear that ‘the way we are’ is in the way of how we would like to be.
  1. We still see things the old way. Our paradigms have not changed. We apply the same thinking style, principles and values. Pride, fear, shame and other negative emotions might prevent any change of perspective. The unfortunate result is we’re unable or unwilling to make new choices.
  1. We didn’t ask for help. Though words seem to walk endless circles in our head, thoughts and emotions wander off unnoticed and lie down exhausted on some mental landscapes. Dialogue with others who might inspire and expand our outlook is neglected. Instead, we stay within solitude comfort, closed off to the challenges other people might bring to our outdated modes and beliefs.

Letting go of the old and preparing for the new are evolving processes, not action steps.

If we stay actively engaged with these processes we will be able to guide our own transformation. We will know when we are ready to move and where we are going, having worked through some or all of the above challenges that otherwise would have kept us stuck.


LABELS:   Believes   Break   Fear   Letting Go   Paradigms   Stuckness   Transition  
About the author: Jacinta Hin was born in the Netherlands and has been living in Tokyo, Japan, since 1989. Her professional background is in human resources, career management and coaching. She is passionate about helping people, herself included, discover new perspectives of possibility, move to embracing and working with their transitions, and designing and realizing changes aligned with who they truly are and what they truly want from their lives.
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